...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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