the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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