well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
