My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
