Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
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When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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