you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize