Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
