You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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