i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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