garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
