Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
