I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
