Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
is that a dick in a sweater?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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