Non-Jews are for practice
well you can't waste a boner
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
