alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
