somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didn't notice because vodka
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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