I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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