In the future we'll all be gay
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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