This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
