Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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