No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
God, I missed his penis.
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