Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
