i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
