Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
it's like iHOP with fire
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
