my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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