I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
