have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
