Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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