you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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