my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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