THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
