She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
