I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
