I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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