I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
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Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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