if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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