Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
