Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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