a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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