I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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