and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
