I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
