Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
