I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His hands were made for my vagina.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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