I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
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I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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