It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
