We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize