I faked an abortion last night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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