I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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