She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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