The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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