let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
