Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
