She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
