i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
