Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish you could order shots online.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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