We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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