I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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