my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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