...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
