i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
