this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
