You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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