I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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