ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
