My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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