I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
