He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
