It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
