i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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