Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
