I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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