Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
