Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
