I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
