I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
