Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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