so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
and you fell through a lawn chair
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